Johnny's Garden

Writing by Douglas Eadline

Have You Had Enough?

Doug | 18 December, 2012 10:02

What can one truly say about the senseless massacre of small children and those that care for them. I tried to put into words what I feel and what I call noble vulnerability.

The hurt and fear will not go away. I never met those small children, teachers, or families and yet I know them. I still hurt when I think about that selfish and calculated carnage. I want to end my hurt and pain. My body and mind tell me to fight something, anything. I am a man, that is what I do. Seething anger and wilting sadness are all I seem to know at times.

I know the truth in my pain. My sorrow extends to those unknown innocents. I believe I am not alone in feeling like this. We all feel the pain. That empathetic thread, no that fabric, is what makes us human. And, when that fabric gets torn or damaged, we all feel it and want to comfort those who hurt the most. These horrible acts pierce our SUV lives and weaken our knees because deep down we know our beloveds could be next.

This carnage is too common. I want it to stop. What can I do? The urge to fight, to shove the world into a safer place. Blame helps me find an enemy. I need a convenient reason to mask my fear. Guns -- too many or not enough. Steel doors or armed guards? Those video games and quiet teenagers -- let's not talk to them. What would a safe and sane person do?  Right now my heart hurts and I want to stop this insane pain. If anyone can tell me how, should I listen? Who can really heal the pain and protect me and mine? Does the shouting really help or does it just exhaust the cornered bull. And, we always look at the bull.

A calm breeze can give me pause, I can turn toward the inside and breathe. A gentle touch and the pain is real. I can cry and weep for those that don't deserve the cruel solutions we heap on each other. How can I stop it. All of it. Even my part. An ancient battle is waiting. Not the old tired bulls that satisfy the crowd. A healing hidden peace waits for us in the hard battles we ignore. The ones that slap us in the face and ask "Have you had enough?"

I can choose to fight the battles that truly scare me. The ones that rage in my heart. The ones I ignore. The ones that will actually make a difference and ease the pain. I can choose to have strong allies in this fight. When I am done blaming, I can be honest and fearless and take ownership of my sword in the bull.

I will still hurt. The wounds are deep and if I point to them and shout "Help! Please help," someone may listen and perhaps together we can share and heal our wounds. There is no more noble battle than this. We can bandage our wounds with the fabric of truth we all share. Healing may be a silent teardrop, but the ripples travel far. You can point at the bull and claim a vapid victory or you can stun the crowd and walk away facing the only battle you can ever win.
 
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